When you are in infertility treatment or waiting to adopt, you can usually use some protective mechanisms to help you through the holidays. Here some IAC Center Clients who have been there share their best survival tactics with you.
Marci Gnandt – Mother of Ashley
My own personal advice for handling the holidays is to get away. In that, I mean travel to a purely adult destination and enjoy your time with your partner without the interruption of anyone else and especially their children. Nothing brings out complaining about kids more that the holidays. I could not stand listening to my friends and family moan and complain about how much they hated decorating, making cookies, buying gifts, etc. for their kids when I am on my hands and knees begging to be able to do so!
Also, people have a tendency to really try and overcompensate with “helpful” comments during these times. My favorites are. “You are so lucky that you do not have to be bothered with the whole “Santa thing”. What the hell does that mean? I could not wait for the “Santa Thing”……Better yet I do recall being seated at the kiddies table at Christmas dinner wondering why I was stuck there….
Diane Wilburn – Mother of Marisa
Drink lots of Wine! (I say this only if you are not in the middle of a cycle.) I can tell you that most of my holidays during infertility treatments were not fun. I just tried to focus on the giving of the season and hoped that my day would come. I hope this helps. I’m sorry I don’t have an uplifting story on how to survive. Mostly I drank a lot of red wine!
I also wanted to mention how I deal with the holiday’s considering the loss of my twin boys. Every year we place special ornaments on the tree and light 24 hour candles to remember them during this time of year. We also make donations to Toys for Tots age appropriate for the year my sons would be. When Marisa gets a bit older, she will be assisting us in this family tradition.
It’s funny, 2 years ago this weekend we were flying over to Missouri to meet our daughter’s birth mom for the first time. It was the best Christmas gift we could have received. I know your baby will come to you too.
Pat Vanderbeek – Mother to Matthew and Iryna
I remember being knee deep in dossier papers at Christmas the first go around and just driven to get it all done as soon as I could. Second time we adopted was less stressful as we already had been through it once before. I do remember both times hitting the sales after the holidays and buying a variety of sizes for our future children and the others at the orphanage for a fraction of what the clothes would have cost. Traveling to a cold country meant winter items were greatly appreciated!
If you have tips you want to add to this list, please email me at JMantellMSW@iaccenter.com